


Happiness by the Kilowatt

by GetFighted



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Sad, angsty, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:04:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11185701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GetFighted/pseuds/GetFighted
Summary: I want to walk over and wrap my arms around you. I want to tell you that you look like what I always imagined love would look like. I want to kiss away your tears and replace them with that smirk you always wear so well.But I know you don’t want me to.





	Happiness by the Kilowatt

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a writing club I'm part of with restrictions and prompts. I was also to choose a song and feature a couple lyrics. I chose Happiness by the Kilowatt by Alexisonfire. Great song. I don't own the lyrics featured. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

You sit in the corner, sunken into your favorite chair. That damn chair. It never fit with the rest of our furniture or the paint on the walls, but it made you happy. You said the bright blue made you think of the sky on the day we got married. You said it felt like a hug, and it comforted you when I was gone. So I let you keep it. 

Does it comfort you now? 

Your eyes are red and puffy, and the bags underneath those beautiful icy blues have never been so dark. You say you have trouble sleeping. The nightmares come for you in the dead of night and when you turn to me for safety, I’m not there. Not really. So you tremble alone as your demons devour you. Sometimes I can hear you whimper and you remind me of a scared child. I want to help you. I want to make it okay. But I can’t seem to keep my own demons at bay. I just don’t scream quite as loud as you do. I am paralyzed, and you are shaking. Every night. 

I watch you as you gaze out the window, and I know you’re thinking it too. 

Is this continuous happiness? I always imagined it something more. I saved the wizard world, and you saved me when the weight of that came crashing down on me. But who saves you? Who saves our relationship? When do we get to be happy?

You’re watching the neighbors. They’re sitting on their walkway with two small children. The use sidewalk chalk to draw a small masterpiece, and boy do they look happy. You had asked me once if we could raise children, and I had told you that I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it. I would not let our demons grab a hold of such innocent lives. I know it makes you sad, but I do hope you know it’s for the best. 

We bought this house together. We fixed it up and we created a home. And for a while, the high of that feeling had us coping. Your lips found mine twice as often, we were tangled into each other every other night, and even the food we ate was plentiful and glorious. I don’t know if we actually achieved happiness for a while, or if we just had enough motivation to fake it. But I miss whatever that was. 

I want to walk over and wrap my arms around you. I want to tell you that you look like what I always imagined love would look like. I want to kiss away your tears and replace them with that smirk you always wear so well. 

But I know you don’t want me to.

You know just as well as I do that you deserve better, don’t you? You know the Boy Who Lived died a long time ago and you deserve somebody who’s still alive and vibrant. You deserve somebody whose complete soul can wrap around you like a blanket of protection and ward off your demons. 

Deep down, you know that we could never work. I suspected it long ago, but I held onto hope for you. There is nobody else in this world I would rather be with. For a while, you were able to brighten the darkest of my days. I would catch glimpses of you forgetting the world around you and swaying ever so slightly to the music that played as you prepared a meal. And better yet is when you would catch me watching and the moment would turn into a full blown karaoke session. You have such a beautiful voice. It rings in my ears like the softest tune and if any noise had a shot at scaring off the darkness, it would be the sound of your voice. 

I hope you know that I love you. Even as we both sit here and come to the horrible realization that it’s ending, I want you to know that. Until the day that I die, my heart will always belong to you. You are my love, my life, my hero, and my home. Every night I will lay my head down and miss the scent of you and the warm touch of your body against mine. Every morning I will wake up to an emptiness in my arms where you used to be, and a house that will forever need your presence. 

It’s because I love you that I need to leave. When tomorrow comes, I won’t be here. You won’t like it, but you’ll move on. Malfoys are strong like that. You can find your forever happiness and you won’t have to battle alone. At night somebody will hold you and chase away your nightmares. When you’re sad and longing for a future, somebody will build you a destiny and share it with you. But most of all, when you pour your love into somebody, they will be able to love you back like you deserve. 

This is not what we hoped for.


End file.
